When a parent has only one child to vest all dreams and ambitions in, the parent sometimes can become demanding, knowingly or unknowingly. I also know that as my mom gets older, I'll be the only one to take care of her. I keep thinking about when they're both gone, I will have no one left except my 2 daughters. However, if you’re dating someone with overprotective parents, they may interfere in your relationship, since they probably still treat their child like a baby. The mix of young people in China offers a broad pool of candidates for this area of research, owing to the nation's long-lasting one-child policy, which limited many but not all families to only raising a single child in between 1979 and 2015. We are feel the need to be near our mother but only my brother stays near her she has always been encouraging of is finding our own paths. I think that relationship could be a good thing. Only children generally get much more help and support from their parents. I have very similar circumstances and feelings. I think a lot of their happiness is tied to me and their only source of grand kids. As readers will see, despite having an only child in common, these parents’ reasons, observations, thoughts and feelings are varied and distinct. This study seems intuitive to me, if short-sighted. And I have never considered how insulting it is to only children for parents to go on about how "awful" it is. If you look up only child stereotypes all of them make it out to be somewhat of a disease that we have for something that is completely out of our control and I don’t think parents who ask these questions about being an only child understand that they’re only perpetuating the stereotypes and it’s quite insulting. Rejected parents have few places to turn. I fear for having to do it again! Yes he’s got aunts and uncles but I can’t imagine how he moves forward from that alone. I don't feel that I missed out at all. • Birthdays: birthdays are nice as an only child as it’s YOUR day there’s there’s no one else around trying to take the spotlight which quite a lot of us enjoy. I bit him so badly that he had a bruise for over a month when he was only a few months old. I have another child that has also struggled in a different way. Cookies help us deliver our Services. First time mom to a 5 month old baby. As a result of this, I want a sibling for my daughter. I'm also an only child. But I get what you mean, my Nan is in her 70s, dementia and is soaking up so much time, money and resources from my dad (who had a sister but she isn’t interested in helping) so I understand that one would feel relieved once it’s over. Only child syndrome signs. I also love my alone time and require a fair amount of it, I loved when I got to live alone for a year! These 11 things will bring you up to speed about only children. The following article offers further insight into 15 family’s lives where one child happens to be the norm. They share my memories and pov so are great to be around and talk to. While reassuring, the numbers also make plain why this one specific type of loss is so feared, so painful, and so stigmatized. A subreddit for parents who have decided or had the decision made for them to only have one child. Well I’m here to tell you pretty much what you can expect. • Christmas: being the only child on Christmas is kind of magical, you don’t have to share anything with anyone and you know that all those presents are for you (assuming your family celebrates Christmas not everybody does obviously), there is a Certain level of euphoria as you get to be close to your family now more than any other time of the year. 9. We have another sister who is just an absolute fucking scumbag and one who we like but we just don't talk to because we don't have much in common. This makes only children slightly more skilled at problem-solving due to their creativity. I’m sure you’re wondering what will happen to your child as they experience life without a sibling. ThinkuKnow has a great parents guide. I, myself, am quite upset about it. I am constantly met with comments about how I would be raising a spoiled brat and he will be selfish and needy and blah blah blah.. now he’s only five months so I don’t really even have a clue what life means with an only or a huge heard but so far I love being able to focus on him completely and not feel like I’m neglecting him because i have to put my attention elsewhere. Being told that you’re a spoiled person, that you’re selfish and you’re greedy, just for existing as the only person to receive gifts in a family really makes you feel terrible and guilty about receiving these gifts which anybody else with siblings would get so why should we feel bad about it? Don’t worry about it too much. I am an only child and have been my entire life, my parents divorced when I was 11 years old and I had a stepdad who just recently passed away but he didn’t have any children either so once again I was on my own and with a sort of broken family. The only child’s primary role models are parents. Being from NYC, lots of kids were only children, so I wasn't a weirdo and I had opportunities that I feel I would not have had especially due to money; and my parents could give me their attention between their long work schedules. I live about an hour and a half away from them and I feel like I spend half of my time driving down there to do stuff for them. I am also an only child and I couldn't agree more. In April 2016, my then 14-year-old daughter became convinced that she was my son. The results, published in Nature in 2016 , … It is the consistency from both parents in providing love, quality time, structure, guidance, and discipline in their homes that has helped Kate adjust well to the divorce. And you’ll often notice people saying that they were happy as children and it only cropped up when they were in adolescence or older that they started to notice the loneliness and I agree I was around 13 or 14 years old when I started to feel a bit lonely but it didn’t fully hit me until I went off to university and lived by myself for the first time and I had a mild depression as I was alone but I feel like that could apply to anybody in my situation. • Holidays: there are a few negatives to holidays, you have to go with your parents everywhere there is no going off on your own unless you’re over a certain age and you’re confident enough to do that. He’s a lucky guy, my mum would probably say the same thing about me, being her daughter was the best thing that ever happened to her (she tells me frequently) but sadly I’m going to lose my mum to incurable cancer in the next few years. I agree. He scored 87th percentile on the standardized test this year? My son is 3.5months and I worry about leaving him as my husband and I waited until we were older and more established to have him. The stereotypes about only children being bratty and nasty and not being able to share is also bullshit we learn to share in school just like any other child just because we don’t share with children in our household does not mean we don’t know how to share with others. When he was a toddler, I enjoyed trying to kill/injure him by talking him into doing dangerous things: jump out of this tree, swim out to that rock in the ocean full of currents, let me roll you up like a burrito in this rug, why don't you try sledding down the stairs on the dog bed? The only child needs to be ready to be a parent of their parents if that’s what fate brings. "If they are … And there was no getting away from them. You do well in academics. I do feel as if I am the center of my moms universe, and I don't think I would move far away from her (more for her sake than mine). I used to want 4-5 children and then I got pregnant and had a baby. Being an only child is great. I pretty much only interact with my finance and parents (outside of work) and I am highly satisfied. Fact: Children with siblings relate and talk to their siblings rather than their parents. Ha. The distraught mother of a two-year-old girl who died in her sleep three days after being told by doctors her daughter only had the flu says she feels the health-care system failed her. In my case, my mother was a first-generation immigrant. Whether bereaved, hurting, depressed or ill, these parents would likely parent much more attentively if only they had the bandwidth to do so. I’m sorry I’ve gone on a really long rant but I feel like it just need to be said please if you’re a parent of an only child look back on our sub history look back on the of thousands of times with answered this and do your own research into what it’s like to have an only child instead of just assuming you’re ruining their lives because you’re really not. Yet that's probably impractical. First, there are countless advantages for an only-child family. Hugs to you, but honestly, being in the thick of it, parents in old age (mine are 70 and have both had cancer) are far harder to deal with as an only. I also never married or had children, but my dad was all I needed to … Now I feel a lot of pressure to care for my one remaining parent. Parents really wanted "the set"... my little bro is 2.5 years younger than me. She wanted the kids to be doctors and university professors because that’s what she (vaguely) knew were good professions. Thank you for taking the time to write this down. Even if these child prodigies succeed, they end up with psychological issues in adulthood because of their lack of a childhood (like Mozart or Michael Jackson). From what I have seen, only children tend to be powerfully parented. Pregnancy was not an easy thing for me absolutely horrible actually and labor was the longest scariest 29 hours of my life. That’s why the parents of estranged adult children can feel isolated. I’d like to add that, for me, being lonely as a child has turned into a positive as an adult. Make sure you hug your son extra tight and spent as much time as you can talking about his childhood because it’s something us only children can only share with our parents. Account information gives you basic information about your child’s device and the ability to change your child’s password or delete his or her account. Whatever, I scored 98th. As a parent of an only child, finding support is few and far between. Depending on cultural ties, the sense of duty to a parent can grow or diminish, but one thing is certain: the only child always suffers more as they see their parents struggle without a sibling around. Not sure if there's a perfect solution. It’s being an only adult that sucks. This cousin is extremely close with me but she is not close with her brother at all. I'm also an only child and could have written this exact response. 0/10 would not recommend my parents have had a second child. With parents of only children, the tendency to want their children to excel can be so focused that it becomes counter-productive. My husband was worried he wouldn't bond with our second child as much as he loved our first, but in reality your love grows for both. Ever since I can remember the only thing I really wanted was a sibling. Your point about a parent dying is well said and well made. Evidence-based Treatments During Early Autism Intervention - advice for parents with newly diagnosed autistic children. Do you regret not having more? On the other hand, I didn't care growing up because I already had siblings, but if it were only only me, I'd probably be very sad. From a young age, my parents forced me to make choices. Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.. RELATED: This Is What It’s Like Growing Up With A Narcissistic Mother. I don't have any siblings, but I am thankful for having 8 cousins (2 of which are also only children). They tried for years and nothing. He feels inadequate because I got 2090. He would get a test score of 96/100 and then be scolded for not being good enough. A lot of us only children on this sub have already explained over and over and over again that there are many positives that outweigh the negatives of being an only child. And while there might be some who are supportive of your decision (or if the decision was made for you), there's nothing like connecting with other only child parents—those … I am an only child and I liked it. I also longed for a sibling and my parents tried for 12 years after me before realizing it wasn't going to happen, which might have contributed to my desire for a sibling. The perspective is helpful. On the pro side it meant I always had my parents around when is I needed them and money was less tight. Filter and/or block chosen sites or apps with your broadband provider. Only you can determine when it’s right for your young child to have a phone or tablet. We have been happily married for a few years, and have been together a decade, one filled with adventures, career changes, etc… He now and he desperately wants at least one child, he always has. Bear in mind my list isn’t fully complete but these are the only positive is the negatives I can come up with at the moment but I think it pretty much sums up what a true only child experience is like and obviously any other only children can comment and increase my list, you can debate I don’t mind but from my point of view this is what it means to be an only child and I think the parents of only children who aren’t only children themselves need to understand that coming to this sub and commenting about how only having one child is ruining their childs life or how they feel so guilty for not providing a sibling as if it’s some God-given right should really just consider how only children and only adults think and feel. I have four half siblings but I am my mom's only child and she is her mom's only child, so I have a lot of pressure to help my mom with everything her aging mother is going through. “An only child might be selfish and spoiled, but so might a child with siblings.” There are certain anxieties parents have about an only child being deprived of social abilities. I have a husband and kids and a job and a life that I miss out on because I am the only person my mom can call to help her out. I liked having my parents' limited emotional and monetary resources all to myself, and I'm doing the same for my daughter (also an only child). We have one son that's 18 months old and we're all done. by Kristenne Q. But overall I don't see a problem with having an only child. According to 2018 numbers, more American families are choosing to stop the number of children they are having at exactly one. I still think it would have been nice to have close family to talk to who was not a parent. We should all be able to openly discuss our experiences as onlies here, whether positive or negative. Don't feel awful! Don't let the negatives get you down. I’m an only child with lovely parents, and my husband is one of 6 from a wonderful family. He too is an only child. Obviously there are some situations that are more negative than others such as going through divorce as an only child but I’d say overall most of us have had similar experiences as children with siblings growing up. Outside of school, I was always touted as more "mature" and he was told "why can't you behave more like your sister?". Not because of anything wrong with him, but because I was an insufferable bitch about it. I think if it is something you plan for, that is very different than my situation. Ed., LCSW. We’re very decisive. Well I’m here to tell you pretty much what you can expect. The Adult-Child Complex. However, I don't agree with what comes across in places as a one size fits all summation of the only child experience. I haven't posted anything here about the negative aspects of having my only child (adult son now). Only children want to please their parents, and because they peer with adults, they take on adult standards, says Carl E. Pickhardt, PhD, author of Keys to Parenting an Only Child. Is say ditto to all this. I had friends on my street, friends at school, and plenty of extracurricular activities. I mean, they only have one. If you are hesitant, the reasons should be worked out first without pressure. It'd be nice to have an extra set of hands around that I don't have to pay for. I always remember going to theme parks and having to go on all the rides by myself which is fine but it’s better if you allow your child to bring a friend along if not a cousin or make an effort to join in as my parents tried to, but as I got older they couldn’t. Imagine fighting them every day. I love the idea of being able to provide for him because let’s be honest life is expensive as it is and mixing children into just makes it cost more. My parents had me in their late 30s and had less than average income. Now look at the example of Eric. TL;DR - to all the parents of only children please PLEASE do your research before commenting insensitive bullshit on this sub that makes every single one of us only children feel like shit. There's always someone to admire your drawings and coo over your report cards. Better yet, strong parental relationships can mitigate some of the more negative traits people tend to associate with only children. Another thing I have noticed is that a lot of my friends are incapable of doing things by themselves, whereas a lot of the time I prefer doing things by myself or at the very least I am comfortable doing so. 42 old only child here. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. For example, clinical psychologists Seth Meyers and Preston Ni explain how the actions of the parents can ruin the lives of their children. The results showed that second and third children increase the demands of the parents’ role and double the time pressure for parents (especially for mothers). Every time someone asks when I’m having another I say that he may be an only and the more I think about it the more I really want that. I'm an only child too, and...meh, overall I'm still glad I don't have any siblings. Despite it all, we are magnanimous with our love. It has curves, bumps and uturns. I can give you my perspective as an only child. Thank you, My mum had stage 4 cancer, she’s 48 on the 11th this month. In John Hodgeman’s book Vacationland, he writes, “Only children have a special relationship with their parents if they aren’t divorced,” and goes on to describe parents as “not so much your parents as weird older roommates.” Maybe that’s the difference. Nursing homes/home care is overpriced, and the quality of care is crap! Fact: Being spoiled reflects our society, not sibling status. We want to be able to give him the best quality life that we can. It all depends on factors such as your parent's wealth, if they're married, their relationship with them, if you have cousins, if your parents are toxic or overbearing, if you are an introvert, if you are an extrovert. I feel horrible remembering the shit I used to do to him. You’re only ruining your child’s life if you make a big deal about it because it isn’t a big deal. ‍♀️. Being the child of overprotective parents can be a brutal ordeal that affects not only early development but our behavior, habits and neuroses in adulthood. Also, they play together constantly and my son (4 years) often refers to his sister (7 years) as his best friend. It's great to hear about everyone's life experiences and choices. My parents told me they had tried to have more kids but it didn't happen. So much so that the only child is cornered into playing ‘multiple roles and tasks’ to fulfill his parents varied expectations. Great post! • One on one time: obviously as an only child you get your parents all to yourself that means there’s a lot of one-on-one time with your parents meaning you can have deeper and richer connections with your parents and grandparents as you’re not always fighting for the attention (I know that people with siblings obviously have these close relationships with their family but I feel like the connection an only child has is somewhat deeper if you know what I mean). I feel it's something you should both want. Every birthday wish I made and every coin I threw into a fountain was for a brother or sister. This isn't a parenting sub. I am the older of two kids. This is caused great suffering and sexual, psychological, and career abuse. • Holidays: now holidays can be a bit controversial in the only child sub but I say there is a positive, you get to go around with your parents enjoying more adult things that you wouldn’t normally experience at a younger age such as going to certain restaurants and attractions and being able to fully enjoy yourself with your parents and enjoying that time (I’ll get to the negatives in a minute). He is my best friend. /r/Parenting is the place to discuss the ins and out as well as ups and downs of child-rearing. I am here too because I came from the r/oneanddone one sub ( this one popped up) and I too am thankful for this post for all the reasons you named. EDIT: Wow. If you change the password, be sure to give the new one to your child. I also lost both my parents in late 2014, just two months apart. I also have two children and their sibling relationship is amazing. My parents forbid me to feel emotions, and only after I became ill with a deadly illness that the numb broken heart started to awaken to life! I think it helped me learn to entertain myself and I honestly don’t really ever feel lonely as an adult. Tell this over and over again to your parents but never in raging tone. I appreciate your perspective. The study followed approximately 20,000 Australians for up to 16 years. I have a brother and we are not close at all. I can’t speak for all only children but I was raised to be very self-reliant. There is always a desire to give your kid a fuller childhood, but for me, having another child is not the only option to do that. Being an only child was idyllic in many ways. But imagine if your brother was someone like the worst person that you knew. Do your research and see the differences between only children and multiple children and see which works better for you,. I am from a sibling set of 7 and my husband is the oldest of 8. I've tried to brainstorm a way to approach the issue that is more respectful both of those of us for whom onliness has been less than wonderful, yet without making parents of onlies feel bad if they can't have more kids. The loss of a child may be the worst trauma a human being can experience. It’s hard dealing with it, especially at a younger age as i’ll live more of my life without her than I have with her and that’s really sad. • Guilt: I’ve included guilt on this one as some only children experience a level of guilt when they want to move out of the family home or want to get away from an abusive parent or somebody within that household and I say guilt because as an only child you are there only connection to a family outside of their own you are the only one you can carry that family name and I think a lot of people feel guilty about wanting to be away from their parents or even feeling guilty about not having children of their own as I know a few only children think that having no kids is the way to go another think having multiple kids is the way to go it’s completely subjective. Funerals and dealing with their issues then the children must feel more tired Recovery is possible they.... 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